Sunday, December 20, 2009

It's been a while

Sorry I haven't posted in so long. This is why I always went back and forth on whether I should start a blog or not, it is such a commitment! I haven't started my IVF cycle yet but I am just about ready. All the probes have been built after much stress, I've had my phone consult with the PGD lab, my husband and I went to the IVF medication class, spoke with the psychologist, paid for the IVF and we have all the medication sitting on our kitchen table. On December 28th I go in for some bloodwork to see if I am ready to start cycling. I am nervous, excited, hopeful, scared and a whole bunch of other emotions rolled into one.

I will be taking Lupron, Menopur and Bravelle. Then of course there is the trigger injection and PIO injections. I am not looking foward to these injections at all but if I want any hope at having a baby this is what I need to do.

I already feel so defeated and broken down emotionally that I have no clue what will become of me if this fails. I go to work everyday but that is about it. I'll go out to eat with my husband but I no longer socialize with friends. I know it's not healthy but I'm such a downer right now I don't want to bring others down and of course there is always the fact that someone could have good news that I don't want to hear. I don't want to hear any type of good news....job promotion, engagments, pregnancy anything that reminds me that right now my life sucks. I barely talk to my husband anymore, every conversation leads to a fight. IF brings some couples closer and it rips others apart. We are being ripped apart. I wonder if we should be doing this at all if we are so unhappy. Will a child make us a whole again?

Sunday, September 27, 2009


I've been so down this weekend and I have no clue. I didn't get any bad news to be upset about. I don't know if it's that we been trying to have a baby for exactly a year now or maybe I'm jut hormonal since my period is coming. Everything my husband says or does annoys me and I don't mean to be so horrible to him but I just can't help it. I hate feeling like this. All I want to do it lay on the couch, eat and cry. Sounds like fun huh? Maybe I'll feel better once we get to actaully really start our first cycle.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Our Story

I've decided to start a blog to document the most difficult time in my life. I thought this would be a good way to express all the emotions I have floating around in my body.

My husband Eric and I have been together 5 1/2 years and we recently just celebrated our 2 year anniversary on September 2nd. We have a 2 yr old Shih Tzu named Paige who currently is the princess of the family. We started trying for a baby exactly 1 year ago. We got pregnant the first month and we were so excited to start our family but that was short lived when I miscarried at 5w6d. We assumed it was just a fluke and started trying again a month later we no luck. We tried for another 6 months but I still wasn't knocked up but then on Mother's Day I took a HPT and it was positive. Once again we were so excited but I was very nervous. I was exhausted and had morning sickness from the start and my husband kept assuring me this was a good sign and this baby was going to stick. But sure enough I misscarried again at 5w6d. I had switched OBGYN's since the first loss and this Dr. also felt it was probably just a fluke but to be sure I should collect the tissue I passed and they would have it tested to see why I lost my baby. Of course being it was so early on the lab said the speciman was too small to be tested so my Dr. had my husband and I tested for all different genetic disorders. That's when we found out my husband has a reciprocal translocation. She had explained my options and had me see a genetic counselor. By the time I saw the genetic counselor we already decieded we did not want to continue to try naturally and would go see a RE and start our journey of IVF.

We had our 1st appt. with the RE on 8/4/09 who explained that we would need IVF w/PGD. Since then my husband has had a SA which revealed that he also has Sperm Morphology so we will also have to do ICSI. KNock on wood everything looks great on my end according to my RE I have a beautiful uterus and my ovaries look great. At least we have that going for us, right? We currently are waiting on the probes to be built for the PGD. I was told it can take anywhere from 6-12 weeks and it'll be 6 weeks on Monday that the blood was taken. I'm hoping they will call soon so we will be that much closer to moving foward with hopefully a successful cycle.