It's been a while

Sorry I haven't posted in so long. This is why I always went back and forth on whether I should start a blog or not, it is such a commitment! I haven't started my IVF cycle yet but I am just about ready. All the probes have been built after much stress, I've had my phone consult with the PGD lab, my husband and I went to the IVF medication class, spoke with the psychologist, paid for the IVF and we have all the medication sitting on our kitchen table. On December 28th I go in for some bloodwork to see if I am ready to start cycling. I am nervous, excited, hopeful, scared and a whole bunch of other emotions rolled into one.

I will be taking Lupron, Menopur and Bravelle. Then of course there is the trigger injection and PIO injections. I am not looking foward to these injections at all but if I want any hope at having a baby this is what I need to do.

I already feel so defeated and broken down emotionally that I have no clue what will become of me if this fails. I go to work everyday but that is about it. I'll go out to eat with my husband but I no longer socialize with friends. I know it's not healthy but I'm such a downer right now I don't want to bring others down and of course there is always the fact that someone could have good news that I don't want to hear. I don't want to hear any type of good news....job promotion, engagments, pregnancy anything that reminds me that right now my life sucks. I barely talk to my husband anymore, every conversation leads to a fight. IF brings some couples closer and it rips others apart. We are being ripped apart. I wonder if we should be doing this at all if we are so unhappy. Will a child make us a whole again?